Bio:
Brian Ludviksen
Last updated: September 23, 1999

Brian's conception is a sad story to tell, but it must be told. The name of Brian's father is unknown, though he was known to be quite an impressive lush-- most folks knew him only as "Rummy" Ludviksen. Brian's mother danced regularly in a brothel frequented by poor, fragrant Rummy. Charmed by his cute way of vomiting and his wavering, bloodshot eyes, she offered a freebie to this mysterious gentleman.

The actual act took less time than it did for Rummy to reach his usual level of intoxication, and that's also about as long as he stayed before leaving town for good. His mother stayed at the gentleman's club long enough to ensure her son's employment as a bouncer. Little Rummy Jr. was ten years old at the time.

After many years of employment the club was shut down due to numerous local noise ordinance violations. Rummy Jr., who had taken to calling himself Brian (after that guy in that movie), found work as a mime at Alamo State Park in Texas. Finding the work too constrictive to his vocabulary, he abandoned the job (after first miming "two weeks notice") and headed north to find his fortune. He attended Gary Coleman's School of Rags to Riches in Harlem and subsequently was second choice for the role of "Kathy" on "Diff'rnt Strokes". After losing the "Screech" role in "Saved by the Bell", Brian decided that acting was not for him.

It was in North Carolina that he found his niche. Coffee was a booming industry in the state, and coffee was something he felt he knew. Brian now roasts coffee for a number of local addicts and suppliers and coffee clinics. He hopes to one day have the whole world addicted and under his control. Combining the teachings of Pavlov, Skinner, and Miagi, Brian has developed a fiendish plot which he hopes to use to conquer the world. No, we won't tell you what it is.

You can reach Brian by saying "bean boy" in a mirror sixty times while wearing a diaper, or by shining a black light into the night sky.

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